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3.28.26 I got a job! I've been there since October 2025 so far. It's completely different from my line of work before. I worked in healthcare for around 5 years, and now I'm in the sales/marketing business. I love designing so I'm happy because I get to do Ad Designs for business's. I do have sales goals I have to meet each month, which I have done...it's just stressful. I never had a job before where I get paid base + commission. On another note, my cat died. So there was a stray cat who appeared on our back porch around this time last year. She was so so sweet, loving, and I wanted to eventually bring her inside. It took many months to gain her trust, transition her, and intergrate her with our 20 yr old cat. She was indoors full-time around November 2025. I loved her like she was my own baby, she was only maybe 3 years old. This past February she was having breathing problems, the vet said asthma so we gave her antibiotics cause they said she has brochitis too. She seemed to get better, but then she rapidly declined and suddenly just died. Apparently it was congestive heart failure. She passed 2/25/26. I was completely shattered and heartbroken. Our 20 yr old was also extremely sad, meowing for her, looking out the backdoor for her, and we felt so bad for him. We ended up going to the shelter and adopting another recent stray, and then a cat who was abandoned. So our house is full again, but I still miss/cry over Marwan every day. I'm getting a tattoo of her 4/4 i'm so excited! We also have been trying to buy our first house, but there's many obstacles since my boyfriend is a 1099 worker. So that's gonna be a long stressful process. I'm going to try and start designing more layouts when my sales goals lower :) Thanks for reading all.
9.16.25 - Welp, I was put on new medications to try and help with my anxiety. First is was
Buspar which I reacted to horribly. I got super bad acid reflux and threw up multiples times a week, for 5 weeks. I tried adjusting the time lengths between each dose, taking a lower dose, and taking it with or without food - same result every time. They say it takes 4-6 weeks for your body to get used to new medications, but I tapped out after week 5, I couldn't take it anymore. A week ago I was put on a new med called
Lexapro which I had no side effects so far. I take it before bed as it makes me drowsy, but so far it's been good...no side effects, but I read it decreases your libido? I have not tested that yet xD. I'm still
unemployed and looking for remote jobs. Maybe i'll start applying for in-office jobs once I'm sure the medication is working. I've been binge watching shows to keep busy, I've watched
Alice In Borderlands,
Solo Leveling, and
Chainsaw Man! My bf and I currently started watching a tv series called
From...seems good so far. I've been in extreme pain and have had horrible periods the last year, I've seen two doctors who said it was a Fibroid. They were wrong, it's actually a severe case of adenomyosis which is growing a mass in my uterus, plus PCOS. I have a procedure to embolize it in 2 days so I'm super nervous about that. The PCOS explains the massive weight gain in the last year, and no matter
HOW MUCH I work out I lose nothing. It's been a pretty stressful year, probably the worst mentally and physically tbh. I really hope it get's better from here...I've been so unhappy. Anywho, if anyone has any suggestions or ideas for layouts they want made, let me know in t he cbox!~
6.25.25 - Well, where to start? After procrastinating for about 2 years now, I finally opened this site xD! Ok, so my excuse is quite long. I lived in PA my whole life, then in the last year I abruptly moved to Delaware, I did not like it. I met my boyfriend on Hinge, and then months later moved into his house in Maryland where I currently reside. So in retrospect I lived in a very populated/busy part of PA, and then in the last year moved to a very rural...slow part of DE/MD. It's been the most depressing transition in my entire life ngl. Long ago, like a decade, I attended college right after highschool and then later dropped out because I kept failing the math classes. I figured I'd just get a job full-time and work my way up, or I'd hopefully find my purpose eventually. Well, flash forward to now, I never anticipated the variable of moving to a rural area that has NO jobs. So I'm basically forced to take whatever I can get. I feel like I deeply screwed myself by thinking I'd be able to just stay in PA where there were jobs out the wazoo. Nope, so here I am, 30...about to try and get my bachelors degree! My mental health is awful so I can only be a FT student, PT worker, but I can
NOT be full time both! I get overstimulated and
will fail again. Idek if I can do this to begin with. My psychee and mental capacity is very fragile ;__; I'm deeply afraid of the future. I feel like I've wasted my entire 20s, and my crippling depression convinces me I can't make it better.